why we keep on repeating the same action which we already knew will make us devastated?

assalamualaikum..

for everyone who followed my blog before..must be wondering..why this post looks and sounds too emotional?ya..indeed..i don't know..why should i turn myself to be as this dumb?..this is far too different from the "dumb" that mr zain always mentioned in his class..("i want all of u to be active in the class..dont just sit there like a dummy")..but i would say this is dumber..hurm..

u know what effa?just stop it la..stop make fool of yourself..stop!!!

i only want to say this..

look upclose to what u dream for..
strive the best to strike your goal..
just..shut up!and stop crapping!
Allah knows the best!

im eppy cuz:
i have the experience that taught me about life and showed me who am i..

im devastated cuz:
i know i should just stop make fool of myself..stop putting myself in such silly situation which at last would 'kill' me..